Sharing session - Enjoy Your Life by Muhammad Abd. Rahman. MasyaAllah worth it to read! you can download it for free!!
If a student comes late to school, say to him, “How nice would it be for you not to be late again?” This approach is far superior. Use this approach all the time, “How about if you do this? I suggest you do that…” This approach is much better than for you to say, “You have no manners! How many times have I told you but you never understand? How much longer do you want me to keep telling you?” Allow him to retain his honour and make him feel that he is valued, even if he makes mistakes. Do you know why? Because the objective here is to correct the error, and not to take revenge or dishonour him. Meaning, dear reader, to say it plainly, no one likes to be ordered around. <yup. Including ME!>
There
are always moments in our lives when we must advise and
counsel others. One often advises his or her son, husband, friend,
neighbour or parents. The end result of the advice usually depends
on its beginning. Meaning,
if the advice is given in an appropriate manner with tenderness
from the beginning, the end result is often the same. But
if it is given harshly, the end result will be similar. When
we are advising people, we are actually dealing with their
hearts and not their bodies. The
very first skill one should use while giving advice is not to
do it excessively and pick on every fault, big or small, so that others
do not feel that you are constantly watching their every move.
Otherwise, they would see you as very cumbersome. The
leader of a people is not the one who is foolish. The
leader of a people is the one who pretends to be foolish.
If you can present your
advice as a suggestion instead, then you should do so. For
example: your wife brings you dinner and you know that she
has tired herself preparing this, and it happens to be very salty.
Do not say, “Oh no! What kind of meal is this? I seek refuge in
Allah! It seems you emptied out the whole packet of salt in this!” Rather,
you should say, “If you were to have decreased the amount
of salt, it would have tasted even better.” Similarly,
if you notice your son wearing dirty clothes, then advise
him as if you are making a suggestion, because people do not
like to be ordered around. Say to him, “How nice would it be if
you were to wear better clothes?”
Look
at the Prophet’s approach in this regard. One day he decided
to advise ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar to pray the night prayers. He did not
call him and say, “O ‘Abdullah, pray the night prayer!” Rather, he
advised him as if he was making a suggestion saying, “How nice
is ‘Abdullah! If only he were to pray the night prayers also!” In
another narration he said, “O ‘Abdullah, do not be like so-and-so.
He used to pray at night, but then he left it.” In fact,
if you are able to bring his mistake to his attention without him
realising, then this is the best approach.
A man sneezed in
the company of ‘Abdullah bin al-Mubarak but did not say: ‘al-Hamdulillah’.
So ‘Abdullah bin al-Mubarak said, “What
does a
person say when he sneezes?” He said, “al-Hamdulillah.” ‘Abdullah
bin al-Mubarak said, “YarhamukAllah” (May Allah have mercy
on you).
It is
possible to drink honey without destroying the honeycomb. Do not
advise a person as if he has disbelieved due to his actions! Rather,
have good thoughts about him and assume that he made a
mistake unintentionally, or without knowing.
Be careful of praising yourself while
advising others, and ending up elevating yourself while
putting the one being advised down. No one likes being treated in
this way.
Some fathers, for example, when
advising their sons, begin to mention their own achievements and
glories, “I used to be this and that…” Perhaps the sons already
know the history of their fathers!
So when you are in need of giving an
example when advising, try your best not to mention yourself
as an example and recall your bravery and glorious actions.
Only mention others, such that the one being advised does not
feel that you are degrading him and praising yourself.
In short…
“Even a good word is charity,” Hadith.
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